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Godly Womanhood (Song of Songs 1-2)

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MOTIVATE

Men & Women are different.[1] Men are fairly simple creatures, while women are far more complex and mysterious. Allow an entertaining analogy:

Men are like dogs:

  • They lie around all day, sprawled out on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house
  • They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but they can’t hear you even when you’re in the same room
  • They leave their toys everywhere
  • They grunt & growl when not happy
  • When you want to play, they will play
  • When you want to be left alone, they want to play with cruel persistence
  • They are great at begging
  • They will love you forever if you feed them and rub their belly
  • They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss
  • They can look dumb and lovable at the same time
  • They smell… even if they had a bath.

Women are like cats

  • They do what they want 
  • They rarely listen
  • They’re totally unpredictable
  • They cry when not happy
  • When you want to play, they want to be alone
  • When you want to be alone, they want to play
  • They expect you to cater to their every whim
  • They’re moody, and can changer their disposition in an instant
  • They can cost you financially
  • They leave hair everywhere

Today, we want to look at SOS 1-2 to distinguish between godly manhood and womanhood. Further, we want to understand and uplift the value and vision for a godly woman.

I know what some are thinking: What does a man have to say about womanhood? Outsiders suggest “No uterus, no opinion.”[2] IOW, men should be disqualified from advising who woman should be and what they should do. But what this side really means is people who disagree with them on certain values should not have an opinion. It’s bias advocacy. The reality is that God has given both men and women minds for thinking and understanding how our world works, as well as hearts of character, compassion, and faith to speak into all the issues of life and to stand up for truth and righteousness.

Additionally, I would say I’m speaking on biblical womanhood bc

  1. God’s word is my content; apart from it I have no wisdom. The Creator has designed men/women for His purpose. Further, it is God’s word that uplifts women. SOS is over 60% the voice of a woman – a unique role for a significant work in patriarchal times. Thus, the OT and Christianity has always elevated a distinctive role of womanhood and expressed their equal value to men.
  2. God has blessed me with 4 daughters; so I have a little insight.
  3. I’ve been married to a godly woman  upcoming on 24 years, who has been a mother 18 of those years; and my study of her internal character and external compassion provide me insight for this topic. 

EXAMINE   Song of Songs 1-2      Godly Woman

The woman of SOS is known as the Shulammite; a female from the village of Shunem – part of the northern kingdom. We do not know her specific name, but it’s possible it was Abishag, the beautiful maiden who kept King David warm while he was dying (1Ki 1:1-4).

A godly wife invites the husband to lead (1:2-3)

1 The Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s. 2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine; 3 your anointing oils are fragrant; your name is oil poured out; therefore virgins love you.

Just as SOS jumps right in with intimacy talk about kisses, so I begin with a surprising principle. But remember two items:

  1. Last week I spoke about the importance and standard for godly manhood.
  2. Additionally, I’ve also stated that every culture, including today, Christian Scripture addresses is elevating females in contrast to the views of its day.

So, with that in mind, SOS portrays the godly wife as inviting her husband to lead. Scripture identifies husbands as the head of their wife, and exhorts wives to submit to their husbands
(Eph 5:22-24; Col 3:18-19; 1Pe 3:1).

Submission does not mean

  • Lesser value or worth (Gen 1:27; Gal 3:28)
  • Husband is in place of God (1Cor 11:3)
  • Wife relinquishes independent thought/action, or obeys his every expectation (1Cor 7:16; 1Pe 3:1-2)
  • Women are submissive to all men.  

Submission implies
– Trust: as Jesus trusted the Father’s wise plan; or as Sarah followed Abraham

  • Respect: in mindset and communication
  • Submission is an invitation to lead; it’s relationship in alignment.  

Biblical submission is authentic relationship in joyful alignment.

In practical terms:

  • Men are invited to lead in all sorts of places. Their jobs give them a title, demanding expectations, meaningful purpose with incentives, benefits, and bonuses. So, when men are not invited to lead in relationships, they will feel unnecessary or insulted. So…
  • Wives, invite your man to lead physically. Communicate about appropriate touch. Notice, she’s expressing enthusiastic readiness. The man doesn’t have to guess if his wife is going to receive or reject his moves. Scripture doesn’t give a precise number, but it does exhort consistent frequency (Prov 5:18; 1Cor 7:1-7), so temptation does not linger for going outside the relationship. Now listen: there’s never ever an excuse for infidelity. But infrequent intimacy will create temptations that will need monitored for both parties.  
    Notice: 1:7 Tell me, you whom my soul loves, where you pasture your flock, where you make it lie down at noon; for why should I be like one who veils herself beside the flocks of your companions? She’s making herself available to him by asking where he will be at noon, so she can be present too. She doesn’t want to miss a moment being near him.

    Side Note: This is how dating works too. If you are attracted to someone, you’ll find out times/places they will be and you are present there too. There’s a fine line between stalking and scoping… so, it doesn’t hurt to drop hints (tell them you’ll be at 506 Benfield on Sundays 10:45am)!  

Notice the man compliments her by calling her a horse – (headturner 1:9). But then she responds too: 1:12 While the king was on his couch, my nard gave forth its fragrance. 13 My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh that lies between my breasts. 13 My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms in the vineyards of Engedi. IOW, she makes herself presentable with sun-ripened raspberry bath & body works; she dreams of cuddling; and she seeks to make their home Engedi – an oasis in the desert. That’s a picture of marriage!

  • Wives, invite your man to lead spiritually. Spiritual Engedi in marriage means you’re his greatest encourager not his greatest fault-finder; which means, you don’t nag him…
    *Prov 21:9 “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a nagging wife”
    *Prov 21:19 “It is better to live in a desert island than a nagging wife”
    *Prov 27:15 “A nagging wife is like a continual drip on a rainy day”

    So, wives, don’t get offended but take it as constructive feedback. And men, if you have a wife who enjoys offering advice (critique), minimize defensiveness and instant reply of anger.[3] Listen; but don’t punish your wife with silence or withdrawal either. Prov 18:1 “Whoever isolates seeks their own desire; you go against all sound judgment. A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only expressing their opinion.”  So, wives invite husbands to lead spiritually not by critique but compliment: “Honey, you make such good decisions. Which Bible devotional should we choose? // My Stallion, I appreciate your strength and wisdom, can you pray for me/us today? // Darling, I’m blessed by the way you lead our family. Who should we invite over to help bless their family?” In this way, you’re providing the matches but letting him start the fire #LetHimCook.

    Also, Men, if you want to be invited to lead physically with an eager wife, then this is where you start. For women, intimacy doesn’t start in the late evening bedroom but the early morning kitchen when you made her coffee or throughout the day when you’ve messaged her you’ve been thinking about her, or the tasks you’ve completed to help the family. When she hears/sees you value her with initiative in these areas around the home/family, she will be energized for you in other ways… – – – don’t get weird on your pastor – I told you SOS was going to make you blush.

A godly woman’s identity is secure in her king (1:5)

5 I am very dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Kedar, like the curtains of Solomon. 6 Do not gaze at me because I am dark, because the sun has looked upon me. My mother’s sons were angry with me; they made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept!

The woman describes herself as black and beautiful. [4] In contrast to modern standards of beauty, the ancients in Israel regarded light skin as most attractive. Dark skin identified her as of the laboring class. And while she’s somewhat embarrassed over her dark skin, she also declares herself as lovely/beautiful. She’s black, like the tents of tribal villagers, which are darkened by exposure to the harsh desert elements of sun and sand. Yet, these curtains were of exquisite and resilient craftmanship for king Solomon.

Likewise, ladies:

  • Your identity is not based upon air-brushed or photoshopped images that the world expects.
  • Your identity is not based on gimmicks of short dresses or long cleavage. Instead, you are a lily among the brambles (2:2). You are a priceless gem.
  • Your beauty is your humility. She understands her worth is not in riches but relationships. She has a farmer’s tan look with a farmer’s work ethic. She’s also generous to work the vineyards of others before her own.
    *Side note young men: if you’re looking for a girl and she is gorgeous but lacks humility – and she’s more concerns about materialism (clothes, jewelry, stuff) and doesn’t have the worth ethic to support this, then she’s going to be entitled and expect you to maintain her lifestyle. Be very careful.
    *Side note young women: whatever you win him with, you’ll have to keep him with the same way… and your body will change. That’s life. Time & gravity are not your friend. So, win him not just with your external attraction but inward beauty.
  • Further, her identity is secure that she doesn’t want to give her body to anyone in an attempt to secure their acceptance. 2:7 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. She wants someone to love her because of her character not her appearance. She protects and promotes purity before marriage and fidelity in marriage. And overall, her identity is rooted not in what others say but what her king says: beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised (Prov 31:30).  

A godly woman inspires faithfulness and hope (2:8-11)

8 The voice of my beloved! Behold, he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills. 9 My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice. 10 My beloved speaks and says to me: “Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, 11 for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone.

The godly woman has a heart that endures and eyes for eternity fixed on Jesus. She knows that circumstances will be challenging, conflicts will occur, frustrations will surface, twists and turns will transpire, and that every relationship must encounter adversity and pain. But, the godly woman doesn’t quit. She perseveres. She inspires faith to move mountains, believing that nothing is impossible for God, and that all things work together for the good of those who love Jesus. She awakens hope that traveling together over the hurdles and  hills of life will eventually see a new horizon that no eye has seen, nor ear has heard what God has prepared for those who love Him.

The godly woman has a heart that endures and eyes for eternity fixed on Jesus.

> Husbands, one of your assignments in this next week/month is to ask your wife how you are taking wind from her sails and tempting her to quit. Then, once you’ve identified the source of those conflicts, align your heart and hands to the work of the LORD.

> Wives, some of you are looking to escape. You’re looking for the quick solution for money as your security, happiness as your satisfaction, but not realizing that you were made for eternity. Your husband will never alleviate your discontent or fully complete you until you are first captivated by the love and shalom in Jesus Christ. You need to reclaim your center and rebuild your foundation, which your faith is the only building block.

Ps 127 “Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain to rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; only the LORD gives rest.”

APPLY/TAKEAWAY

12 The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. 13 The fig tree ripens its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away.

Flowers are beautiful gifts. My house has had its share of flowers in the past few weeks. Like many other homes, Mother’s Day brought flowers into our house. Then, our girls’ AHG Troop had a flower arrangement training event, and a few more bouquets sat on our home tables. And if you’ve ever purchased flowers, you know it’s not just about beauty but your budget that informs your purchase. Flowers can get expensive quickly. The reason why some flowers cost more than others is due to a variety of reasons:

  • Sort. The type of flower creates different costs – like diff btw a 1990 Chevy Astro Van vs 2025 Cadillac Escalade SUV. While carnations are pretty, a rose is lovely and lasts longer!
  • Season. Certain seasons create a higher cost. It’s cheaper to purchase flowers on Feb 15 than Feb 13 or 14!
  • Skill. Arrangements require art and design, and higher labor cost.

When it comes to manhood, womanhood, and relationships, we’re all searching for the ideal flower. We want life to smell pleasant, look pretty, feel pleasurable, and last forever. But life and relationships require being planted in the soil of God’s word.

Isa 40:8 “The grass withers and flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever.”

We need the word of God and Father God to speak into our life. And what is interesting in SOS is that the woman’s father is absent. She has her brother and friends, but the father is not in the picture. Yet, she and the man are still able to value one another in beautiful matrimony. The reason is because they are both under the authority and in alignment with God the Father.

God the Father loves us perfectly and profoundly through the gospel. Jesus lived a selfless and sacrificial life so that we can be forgiven and free, sealed with the flame of the LORD (8:6).

  • Women stand. If you have wife hold her hand / others stretch out your hand to pray for women in the faith, family, and fulfilling God’s purpose for their life.
  • All: seek the blessing of the LORD…

[1] Adapted from Daniel Akin, God On Sex: The Creator’s Ideas About Love, Intimacy, and Marriage, p.63-65

[2] This message has stuck with me on this topic. https://www.epm.org/resources/2024/Nov/1/men-abortion-pro-woman/

[3] See https://www.ccef.org/video/my-wife-nags-me-it-seems-nothing-i-do-is-good-enough-for-her-what-do-i-do

[4] Duane A. Garrett, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs, vol. 14, The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1993), 386–387.

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