MOTIVATE

There are certain songs by Disney that stick in your memory bank. Top 7

• Annoying but classic: “It’s A Small World, After All.” The reason for it’s double whammy of annoying but classic is bc the chorus is on repeat with that one line…
• Who can forget the 1967 The Jungle Book’s “Bare Necessities”? Big Bear Baloo teaching the young human child Mowgli, who grew up in the jungle. The wordplay of this song is almost unmatched.
• Lion King’s “Circle Of Life” with the standard themes of a winding path and endless journey to overcome the despair of death the hope and faith.
• Beauty And The Beast “Be Our Guest”entered 1991 with multiple household objects singing to beautiful Belle.  
• Pinocchio’s “When You Wish Upon A Star” arrived in 1940 with simplicity and sentimentality. It’s Disney’s calling card song with memorable melody and hopeful lyrics.
• Alladin’s “A Whole New World” comes to us on a magic carpet ride of a pauper attempting to woo a Princess.
• With recency bias of 2013, Elsa singing
  “Let It Go” from hit movie Frozen has grown to instant classic fandom with thundering high notes for a princess ballad.

But none of these have anything to do with my message today (sorry for songs stuck in your head)! Instead, another song that could receive an honorable mention is an even more recent movie Encanto and hit song “We Don’t Talk About Bruno.” Essentially, this mysterious and eccentric family tells ghost stories about Uncle (Tio) Bruno. Apparently, Bruno had the gift of prophecy but he’s always predicting bad things to happen, so he left the family to protect himself and the family doesn’t even want to mention his name. “We Don’t Talk About Bruno, no no no!” Yet, Bruno’s shadow is cast large upon the family, and they can’t help but think about his influence every day of their life, and Bruno surprisingly becomes a central figure in the movie.

This last song reminds me of our topic today. Most people don’t want to address the topic of sex, but we all know its influence weighs heavy on our life with everyday images, as well as our marriages for how it can (and should) be God’s tool for deeper intimacy rather than conflict or division.

EXAMINE     Song of Songs 3-6          
Intimacy needs the sincerity of true love.

2:4 He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love”

Solomon was the king. His treatment of the Shulamite was generous and compassionate in every way. He treated her as benevolent as any citizen in the great kingdom, but also with the specialty of his selected sovereign. The king’s palace was filled with banners from prior military victories, but there was an empty frame ready to be filled with the heart of his queen.

Solomon and this love song book are a conundrum. We know Solomon was a serial adulterer and immoral idolater who lacked integrity. Yet, he was also the wisest king, the son of a man who shared the heart of God and started as a romantic hunk of burning love.

But this conundrum only reminds us that intimacy has many layers. Marriage specialists have identified 5 layers of intimacy: intellectual, emotional, sensual, sexual, and spiritual.[1] And sexual intimacy is the easiest to maintain, which means it’s not the key identifier of a healthy relationship. And that explains why couples who co-habitate and then get married still don’t always work out.

Just like Solomon, we all can drift in horizontal love if we have not first found the vertical acceptance that comes with a width, length, height, and depth known only by grace.[2] “For one’s ways are before the eyes of the LORD, and He ponders all their paths… They die for lack of discipline and are led astray” (Pr 5:21, 23).

Just like Solomon, we all can drift in horizontal love if we have not first found the vertical acceptance that comes with a width, length, height, and depth known only by grace.

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Intimacy needs the security of marriage.

3:⁶ What is that coming up from the wilderness like columns of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and frankincense, with all the fragrant powders of a merchant? ⁷ Behold, it is the litter of Solomon! Around it are sixty mighty men, some of the mighty men of Israel,       ⁸ all of them wearing swords and expert in war, each with his sword at his thigh, against terror by night.⁹ King Solomon made himself a carriage from the wood of Lebanon. ¹⁰  He made its posts of silver, its back of gold, its seat of purple; its interior was inlaid with love by the daughters of Jerusalem. ¹¹ Go out, O daughters of Zion, and look upon King Solomon, with the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding, on the day of the gladness of his heart.

The Shulamite and Solomon are preparing for marriage. Many weddings have the groom waiting and watching for the bride to walk down the aisle. In this case it’s the opposite – she’s watching the groom approach; like baseball pitcher making the long walk from the bullpen. He’s exiting the wilderness, ready to enter the Promised Land.^[3] He has a smoke cloud and incense surrounding him, for both ceremony and drama. He spares no expense with fragrant powders/spices of a merchant = wealth (cf 1 Ki 10:15). Additionally, this bridal party is sizeable with 60 mighty men wearing swords against terror of night = together they aim to make the marriage a fortress against any enemy. Further, in 3:9-10, Solomon has a posh carriage decked out with silver posts, gold frame, purple seats, and interior lovingly inlaid – likely with soft & comfortable bedding.^[4]

The purpose of marriage is to promote intimacy and protect against infidelity.   

4:12 “A garden locked is my sister, my bride, a spring locked, a fountain sealed.”

1Corinthians 7:3-5 “each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Sexual intimacy was God’s idea before it became the world’s distortion. Sadly, today’s society has distorted sex into a product to market with illicit images, perverted videos, and cheapened value with cohabitation and sex without the commitment of marriage.

A repeated phrase in this love song is “do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases” (SOS 2:7; 3:5; 8:4). It’s a reminder to multiple audiences: unmarried, parents, and married.

• Unmarried to restrain passions / flee lust / not even a hint of immorality (Eph 5:3; 1 Cor 6:18; 2 Tim 2:22). This exhortation is more than “stop” or “put away,” but to start and put on something different. Scripture exhorts us more than fleeing something erotic but to fight and pursue something more excellent.

1Corinthians 6:12-13, 18-20 “All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful. All things are lawful for me but I will not be enslaved by anything….The body is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body…Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

2 Tim 2:22 “flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace…”

Psalm 16:4, 10 “The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply… [but] God’s path of life is fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore.”

Jonah 2:8 “Those who pay regard to vain idols forsake their hope of steadfast love.”

• Parents: Be intentional to teach healthy sexuality to your children. This means ongoing communication with age-appropriate introduction of topics.
  • Toddlers: God made boys & girls; begin discussing appropriate/inappropriate touching.           
     – – – heightened awareness @SP
  • Elementary: God made your body; begin discussing anatomy
  • Pre-teen & Teens: God made you for Him; purity of heart, body, mind, eyes
    • Note at this point knowledge is almost common place due to media & culture, though curiosity still exists. So, don’t shy away from specific conversations.

• Marrieds: Sex is a sacred gift given to married couples to promote the “one flesh” union and protect against immorality. It should be a regular celebration – though exact frequency is determined upon the couple’s communication and willing intentions.

And, so we see the married couple consummate their marriage in SOS 4:15-5:1 “Awake, O north wind, and Come, O south wind! Blow upon my garden, let its spices flow! Let my beloved come to his garden and eat its choices fruits… Eat friends – and be drunk with love!”

One popular pastor says[5], “We pastors tend to gravitate away from such passages as this one. But it’s time to stop letting a confused world carry the dominant voice on such an important issue… I realize some readers want to scrawl TMI (“too much information”) in the margins of their Bibles – do we really need a play-by-play account of a man’s wedding night? We do, and here is why: We really need to know that the Word of God endorses the wholesomeness of sexual love within marriage.”

So, I want to advise practical helps for married couples to experience intimacy.[6]

> Husbands, serve your wife with verbal support. Solomon tells the Shulammite she is “beautiful” 15x in this book. SOS 4:1, 7 he calls her “my love,” and then he says she is “altogether beautiful, there is no flaw in you.” These multiple chapters are a form of foreplay, before the act of sex.

Wives will primarily think about themselves and respond to you the way her husband leads her to think, feel, and respond. So, husband, you need not be Shakespeare, Marvin Gaye, or Lin-Manuel Miranda, but the doorway to a woman’s heart is her ears. She needs to hear her man offer sincere and frequent verbal support.

> Wives, serve your husband with visual stimulation. If the doorway to a woman’s heart is her ears, then for men it’s their eyes. In ch. 4-7, Solomon praises her eyes, hair, teeth, lips, tongue, mouth, nose, cheeks, temples, neck, her breasts, thighs & navel.[7] In 6:13 he describes her as in a “Dance of Two Armies/Companies (Muh-ha-nā-yim),” which, is uncertain but seemingly it’s like a virgin husband spending the first night of his honeymoon with his wife. Again, being tactful as possible and I’ll leave you to carefully research any further if you wish!

If the doorway to a woman’s heart is her ears with verbal support, then for men it’s their eyes with visual stimulation.

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Overall, Solomon is captivated not just by her appearance but her whole person 7:6-7 “How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights. Your stature is like a palm tree;” which can grow up to 100’ high, so he’s praising her full beauty, outside and inside.^[8]

Intimacy needs the reinforcement of forever.

4:9-10  You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than any spice!”

In SOS, Solomon refers to his bride as his “sister” 5x.[9] While this may weird us out, for them it was a sign of permanency of the relationship.^[10] IOW, he’s saying, regardless of our conflict, I’m not leaving and our bond is forever, like family.

You see every marriage has pressure and problems. But, as one author says, “[M]arriage problems are not really marriage problems. They are heart problems – God problems. Our lack of [connection] with God causes a void that we try to fill with the frailest substitutes.”[11] Our hearts, our life, our families are restless until they find their rest in Christ.

Men and women, husbands and wives stress and struggle to create a good life and set up their family future. They labor long hours. They pinch and save. They dream big and hope their children have all their needs met and wishes come true. But Christian marriages are not merely working for security on earth, they’re persevering to reinforce the truth that God’s steadfast love is forever, His grace is faithful, and His salvation is permanent. Marriages need Christ at the center.

Gary Thomas asks a slap you in the face question to married couples:
“What if your biggest fear about your marriage came true… Can your marriage survive that?”[12]

As honest individuals, we need to dialogue about our disappointments and confess our fears. That doesn’t mean we blame our spouse for our anxieties. It simply helps you identify the foundation of your relationship. It reinforces your faith with forever hope. We need to know what holds us together isn’t just sentimentality but sustaining grace

APPLY/TAKEAWAY

Recently, my wife introduced our kids to the infamous movie “Runaway Bride” (1999). In case you are unaware of the plot: it’s a story of a bride who is on the verge of marriage numerous times, but she doesn’t make it to the altar to say “I Do.” Instead, she runs. She ran from her would-be partners because she was afraid to reveal her true self. Whatever preferences the man liked, she adopted to cater to him bc she thought she wouldn’t be accepted. Spoiler alert – hey, it’s been 26 years – eventually, she meets a man who genuinely listens to her likes and dislikes, sees her faults and weaknesses, but still is willing to stand before her. And you know what she does? Nope – she runs again… bc that’s human nature. Don’t worry, the movie has a happy ending as she goes through self-introspection to understand the motives behind her behavior. And that’s exactly what we all need. – – – No, not a younger, vigorous Richard Gere! – – – We need a mirror to confront us, declare us guilty, and then call us back to a unique love that we don’t have to earn but simply receive as a gift.

We need a mirror to confront us, declare us guilty, and then call us back to a unique love that we don’t have to earn but simply receive as a gift. Jesus, You alone!

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I’ve searched the world, for a love that could fill my heart. Nothing compares to the wonder of who You are, Jesus, You alone. Jesus, You alone.

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[1] Quoted in Gary Thomas, Making Your Marriage A Fortress, p.89 but is referencing David & Terri Sumlin accessed at http://www.marriagelifeministries.com

[2] This refers back to a beginning message in this sermon series from Ephesians 3:14-21, accessed: https://growinggodlygenerations.com/2025/04/27/love-song-prayer-ephesians-314-21/.

^[3] Duane Garrett, Song of Songs, Lamentations, vol. 23B, Word Biblical Commentary (Dallas, TX: Word, Incorporated, 2004), 177.

^[4] Duane A. Garrett, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs, vol. 14, The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1993), 402.

[5] David Jeremiah, What The Bible Says About Love, Marriage, & Sex: The Song Of Solomon, pp.150, 152

[6] The following thoughts are inspired from David Jeremiah (ch. 7) & Daniel Akin (ch.8) on their respective books on Song of Solomon.

[7] Many commentators believe 6:13-7:2 suggest Solomon describing her nudity and genitals.  Duane Garrett, Song of Songs, Lamentations, vol. 23B, Word Biblical Commentary (Dallas, TX: Word, Incorporated, 2004), 239.

^[8] Duane Garrett, Song of Songs, Lamentations, vol. 23B, Word Biblical Commentary (Dallas, TX: Word, Incorporated, 2004), 244.

[9] SOS 4:9; 4:10; 4:12; 5:1; 5:2.Two additional times refer to another woman beside the Shulamite (8:8).

^[10] G. Lloyd Carr, Song of Solomon: An Introduction and Commentary, vol. 19, Tyndale Old Testament Commentaries (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1984), 144.

[11] Francis Chan, You and Me Forever: Marriage In Light Of Eternity

[12] Gary Thomas, Making Your Marriage A Fortress, p.9.