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A Godly Man (Song Of Songs 1-2)

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One day, a husband and wife were arguing. Their voices were raised and neither was listening to the other. So, the wife suggested they write down their complaints on a piece of paper and then show the other person. She thought it might minimize the argument and anger. The husband agreed and got the paper and pencils, and they both started writing.

They both started in a rush to write. The husband would pause, look at his wife, and then write some more. The wife would pause, look at her husband, and then write some more. This continued for almost 30 minutes, and the wife put her pencil down. But the husband continued writing and turned to the back of the page. So, the wife didn’t want to be outdone and picked back up her pencil and started to write. After she did that, the husband gave her a look, and started to write all the more faster and firmer. The wife had tears welling up in her eyes and she slowed her writing. But the husband kept writing. She finally said, “The time is up. Let’s share papers.” So, the husband finished his last sentence, folded the paper, and exchanged papers with his wife. As she began to read her husband’s paper, she wanted to take her paper back. The husband’s paper had the same line repeated over and over: “I love you, I love you, I love you. I’m angry, but I love you, I love you, I love you. I’m angry but I love you.”[1]

Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). Song of Songs is a book of the Bible that reflects this type of fiery passion and faithful love. SOS 8:6 “love is as strong as death… its flashes are fire, the very flame of the LORD.”

In other words, love is as dangerous as it is delightful. So, we need the LORD’s design for love and marriage, or we will end up in burning anger and smoldering ash.  

Love is as dangerous as it is delightful. So, we need the LORD’s design for love and marriage, or we will end up in burning anger and smoldering ash.  

EXAMINE Song of Songs 1        Godly Man

Why SOS?

  • 1 of 66.
  • SOS provides context for understanding sexual intimacy within the framework of marriage. Our world wants to unhitch sex from marriage, and it creates a spiral of consequences from sexually transmitted diseases, cohabitation without commitment, infidelity and broken relationships, and a host of other emotional confusion and impediment.

SOS 2:7; 3:5; 8:4 “do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases”

  • SOS upholds godly love and covenant marriage. This book is beautiful and ancient poetic writing about love (which is sometimes difficult to understand every cultural reference). Yet, it encourages spouses and enriches marriage to better understand communication, boundaries to protect against division, and experiencing the joyful pleasure of intimacy.
    SOS 2:10-11 “Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone… the time for singing has come”
    SOS 8:6 “Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave.
  • SOS normalizes relational challenges. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. This book exhorts spouses and individuals to navigate conflict with truth and love.
    SOS 2:15 “Catch the foxes that spoil the vineyards in blossom”
    SOS 6:13 “Return, return, O Shulammite, return, return, that we may look upon you.”
  • SOS presents a foretaste of uncorrupted Eden in God’s presence.
    This is a song, likely with skilled singers and expert musicians poised to create music for a week-long wedding.[2] It’s a God-inspired love-song that is meant to recall what should have been.

    In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed. Their relationship was uncorrupted by sin, and their faith was unharmed by sin’s consequences. The SOS describes the relationship between spouses in Edenic terms with green vineyards, luscious fruit, boundless delight, and endless beauty. So, while SOS is a collection of love songs with sensual language, it is also to be understood with shameless intimacy between Christ and the church, and nothing can separate us from the love of Christ (cf. Isa 54:5; Eph 5:31-32 where earthly marriage reflects an eternal covenant).  


Eden was the very good world God designed for us; one without challenges, conflict, or curse. Just imagine a world without…

  • Loneliness
  • Relational miscommunication
  • Marital conflict and fraction
  • Childbirth without pain
  • No such thing as miscarriage, or even death itself
  • No violence, no theft, no external hurts or internal grief
  • But instead complete shalom.

If any of this resonates with you, then you would agree with C.S. Lewis who wrote, “If I find in myself a desire which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.”

So, as a bride and groom anxiously wait togetherness, so does the church eagerly testify to and trust the promises of the Lord’s return to take us to heaven.

SOS

  • Most likely written by Solomon, whose name is mentioned 7x.[3] He wrote 1,005 songs… and perhaps this was one of his hit songs. Thus, the title Song of Solomon or Song of Songs is appropriate; I’ll refer to latter but also use these titles interchangeably.  
  • One more introductory item: SOS is blunt and graphic language that may make some blush, but we need not shy away from the language bc God made these topics sacred. Yet, (parents) know that I will do my best to be tactful in communication.
  • Side note: Jewish rabbis warned the young men of their congregations not to read SOS until they turned thirty.[4] Early Church Fathers were overly sensitive that they interpreted this book allegorically and removed the physical meaning of intimacy from SOS.[5] So, no – I’m not going to be overly sensitive to malign Scripture, but I will be tactful.
    • 1:12 “the king on his couch” with the woman and her fragrant offering referred to Christ in Mary’s womb
    • 1:13 “the fragrant myrrh between breasts” symbolized the Holy Spirit who lies between the two great commandments of loving God and one’s neighbor!

Song of Songs 1        Godly Man

SOS starts with a title, then SHE speaks. Again, this is poetry. Perhaps it’s meant to be sung/read in parts by a man (tenor/bass), a woman (soprano), and a female chorus.[6] Today’s message will focus on 8 characteristics of a Godly Man; next week focus on the Godly Woman.


1 The Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s. 2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine; 3 your anointing oils are fragrant; your name is oil poured out; therefore virgins love you.

A godly man has credible character (1:1-3).

The woman is describing the type of man her love and king is.
She muses of his kisses [literally: lovemaking”][7], marinates in his scent, and marvels at his love. But above all, she relishes his reputation: your name is oil poured out. In other words, his name and character is like a fresh scent and aromatic delight.

So, we learn that attraction is more than skin deep. A person’s appearance starts externally but can quickly be ruined by a bad reputation.

Illus[8]: There was once a Wall Street broker named Benny who had fallen in love with a young woman named Sophia. The couple met at a social event through mutual clients. They had only dated for almost a year, but the wealthy businessman believed she was “the one.” Yet, Benny didn’t want to marry someone who was only into him because of his money. He needed to know about Sophia’s character – not just the person she was presenting herself to be during their dates, but her outside reputation, her true allegiances, and inward affections. So, Benny hired a private investigative firm to find out everything there was to discover about Sophia. And in case Sophia interacted with a detective to reveal Benny’s plan, he had tasked one of his associates to simply hire a firm to investigate her for an unknown business plan. Benny loved Sophia, but he didn’t want her to think he didn’t trust her.

Over the course of three months, the investigator followed Sophia. He scrutinized her travel patterns, studied her friend groups, evaluated her spending habits, examined her work ethic and lifestyle choices. The investigator created a full report and shared the findings with Benny’s associate. The report read: “Sophia is a woman of noble character. She’s intelligent with a good education from a prestigious school. Her family and upbringing has a good reputation among neighbors. Most of her friends are upstanding citizens. She has a healthy lifestyle with good eating habits. She’s prudent with her spending and careful not to waste. She’s also kind and generous with many charitable organizations. By all accounts, Sophia would be a highly recommended individual to align your business partnership.”  Benny was ecstatic and his heart skipped a beat as his dreams were coming true that he was hoping to marry the love of his life. However, he flipped to the last page of the report, which also read, “Sophia has a glowing record minus one potential and alarming threat. Sophia spends a good amount of time in the company of a young broker whose dishonest business practices and devious personal principles are well known.”

Character is crucial. This is true whether you’re looking for a spouse to spend “until death do us part”, or a business practice to align bank accounts, a leader in political office, or a simple relationship to be associated.

SOS teaches credible character is vital to relationships. If you’re looking for love, start by being the person you want to date/marry.  If you’re already in love, know that integrity never ceases importance.

> Best investment into your character is surrounding yourself in the right community. Prov 27:17 “Iron sharpens iron, so one sharpens another”
1 Cor 15:33 good friends cultivate good character.

> Your criteria for a spouse starts with character & Christian conviction. If not, then you’re playing with fire and will eventually end up burned. AND IF it’s too late and already married to unbeliever, there’s still hope. Invite Jesus into your marriage – it starts with one spouse. I promise you won’t regret it.

A godly man has a royal reputation (1:4).

OTHERS 4 Draw me after you; let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers. We will exult and rejoice in you; we will extol your love more than wine; rightly do they love you.

So, v.4 the woman’s friends join the chorus to extol the man and the couple’s relationship. The family and friends surround the couple with approval, support, and rejoicing.

This may sound duplicative, but character is the integrity of actions in private, but reputation is what others perceive as your character; they’re validating your character. The challenge is there are too many people who have a royal reputation but deceptive character. Character is the foundation of the house that no one applauds but is absolutely vital. Reputation is the siding and lawncare that everyone else views and praises; but they don’t know the people who live in the house!

And you’ve seen this before: someone is excited about their new bae/boo, and it’s all they can talk about with their friends. The friends are giddy excited and ask, “What’s his/her name?” And then there’s a deafening silence with stares at one another, but there’s that one friend whose mouth gets more runs than the opposing teams of the Orioles; IOW they say what everyone is thinking: He/she isn’t the marrying type… He has nice boots, but he walks among too many cow fields.

  • Parental approval is important.
    Father interviews are more than just intimidation, they’re preparation…
  • Friends offering support more than sunshine; speaking truth in love bc they know you… and this is why if you’re a Christian you should bring your mate to church…  So, whether parent/friend pushes back, it doesn’t have to be the nuclear termination, but it is a warning signal. Beware.
  • Again, if you’re already married but your reputation is not what it should be, you fit in with those Jesus surrounded. Jesus invites rebels and prodigals to discover fresh starts and new beginnings.  

A godly man builds up (1:9-10, 15-16).
5-8 speak of Woman / address next time
9 I compare you, my love, to a mare among Pharaoh’s chariots. 10 Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with strings of jewels…
15 Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves. 16 Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful.

Solomon compares his woman to a horse — I don’t advise that today. But an ancient battle tactic was to release a mare in the vicinity of the chariots so that the stallions pulling the chariots would become distracted and confused.[9] IOW, he’s calling her a head-turner – she’s beautiful, and throughout this book he will describe her in ways that you and I will think are silly and reckless, and we’ll miss all the cultural reference but to them it’s enchanting.

  • cheeks are lovely with ornaments… neck with strings of jewels: he’s noting how her attire and fashion taste compliment her body features; the woman makes the jewelry look good not vice versa.
  • eyes are doves: as eyes are a window to the soul, he views her calming and he can’t take his eyes off hers…
  • SOS 4 eyes are doves… hair like a flock of goats; teeth like sheep; lips like scarlet thread; neck like a tower; breasts like fawns…

 Again, we don’t understand the cultural references, but they did! The point is that his way with words spoke to her heart, and communicated value and esteem to encourage and build her up, not bring her down.

> Married people: how do you speak to one another? Men, it is far easier to critique the negatives but more important to compliment the positives. She will always reflect what you focus on and speak.
Relational experts suggest there are 5 love languages to build others up:

  • Words: SOS has many titles: king, beautiful, my love, darling, beloved, and even love dove. Whatever you call each other, may it be sincerely affectionate. And don’t tire of “ILY.”
    Additional phrases:
    “Thank you. You always bless me.”
    “You are more important than sports, deer hunting, job, Reese’s pb cups…”
    “I trust you.” “I will listen to you…”
    “I’m sorry, how can I make it better?”
  • Touch: I’ll let you explore SOS and discuss with your spouse where to touch. But hand-holding, arm around shoulder, hugging, and kisses are all meaningful ways to encourage and express love.
  • Service: Voluntary actions to be helpful for the other and w/o being asked.
  • Gifts: Simple or significant items hand-made, rented, or purchased. Anything from flowers, wind-chimes, sun catchers, jewelry, massage appts, vacation trips — you need to study & listen to what they want!
  • Time: Few things are more important than spending quality and undivided time together. And put screens away!

A godly man is financially stable (1:17).
Our couch is green; 17 the beams of our house are cedar; our rafters are pine.

She finds comfort in her man’s ability to provide a house and home. The man has provided for the needs of the family. And I know this may sound traditional stereotypes or out of style. But listen: it’s fine for the wife to work outside the home; it’s even fantastic if the wife earns more money than the man! But it is not ok for physically abled men purposefully not be employed, and do very little around the house. When God created men (Gen3), the first thing was to give him a job to work the garden. Work was a blessing before the fall, but after sin entered creation it’s now something humanity avoids and despises. In all, men, you are called to provide stability (1 Ti 5:8; Prov 6:6-11; 10:4; 13:22; 27:23; Ex 20:17).[10]

A godly man is loyal (2:1-2).
2:1 I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys.
2 As a lily among brambles, so is my love among the young women.

On one point, she is exercising humility describing herself as one of many flowers in a valley. Yet, she is his chosen flower – and comparatively, the other women are like thorns. IOW, the man is single-eyed and loyal in devotion to his one wife. Now, that’s striking for Solomon, bc we know he had 700 wives and 300 concubines (1Ki 11:3). But it is likely SOS was written either at the beginning of his life or near the end of Solomon’s life as a means of regret and repentance.

Men, before marriage you might have a preferred type: blonde, brunette, red… tall, long walks on beach, cooks, laughs at all your jokes, and loves receding hair lines. But once you’re married, your type is the one you placed a ring on her finger and declared vows before God.

> Adding kids to marriage creates demands for time; modifications on a mom’s appearance for # of reasons; requirements for you (dad), and a host of other changes and expectations. And if you’re only focused on the short-term immediate gratification of marriage, then you will be tempted to be disloyal in marriage. But pay attention: if someone else will cheat with you, they will cheat on you, not to mention the long-term heartbreak, instability, financial costs, and upheaval that infidelity will bring to your life and your children. Also why we’ve spent time introducing this series with message on the source of satisfaction (Eph 3); spiritual warfare (Eph 6), and warnings against lust (Prov 5).  

A godly man is a refuge (2:3-4).

3 As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. 4 He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.

The man provides her a safe refuge.
She can trust that he will provide for her needs: food, shade, protection. There is never a moment when she feels unsafe
or uncared for – not just from external threats but internal treatment (ill-tempered husbands or mismanaged children). The husband and wife are always allies, even if they’re playing on separate teams (games, cards, whatever), in the end they share each other’s success and safety.

> HW: Today or asap ask what you can do to provide a banner of refuge love.

A godly man respects purity (2:5-7).

5 Sustain me with raisins; refresh me with apples, for I am sick with love. 6 His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me! 7 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.

The woman is sick with love and orders raisins and apples from door dash.
We don’t understand, but essentially these fruits were believed to be an aphrodisiac. And while she is enjoying the dance and dip, she promises
not to stir up or awaken love until the right time. This phrase is mentioned 3x (2:7; 3:5; 8:4), and emphasized to understand God’s design for purity until marriage. Together, the man and woman are committing to honor each other’s purity and faith.


Notice she’s testifying to the daughters of Jerusalem. IOW, the couple is in biblical community to hold themselves accountable.

> If your mate won’t go to church before you’re married, and you’re doing things reserved only for marriage, you are setting your relationship in opposition to Almighty God. And sin always has consequences.

> Don’t be satisfied with regret; seek repentance, forgiveness, and follow the Lord’s design from this day forward. And use your testimony to warn others.

A godly man matures and endures through adversity (2:8-15).

8 The voice of my beloved! Behold, he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills. 9 My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice. 10 My beloved speaks and says to me: “Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, 11 for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. 12 The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. 13 The fig tree ripens its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away. 14 O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.
15 Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.”
 

In v.8, the man has channeled his inner Marvin Gaye, singing, “Ain’t no mountain high, ain’t no valley low, ain’t no river wide enough baby. If you need me call me, no matter where you are. No matter how far, don’t worry – I’ll be there in a hurry.” Seriously, the lyrics match these verses with the king and queen’s relationship enduring through winter months, and persevering through rainy seasons.

> How many people have been married for longer than 10 years? Would you agree there are winter months and rainy seasons? Amen. And you’re still together, by the grace of God! Maturity only occurs through adversity. If you try to avoid adversity, you’ll never reach maturity.

> And together, they catch foxes that spoil the vineyards. We’ll address this in a future message, but godly men are problem solvers who persevere with solutions – hand in hand, face to face with their spouse. Begin to list the foxes in your marriage, and let’s remove them one by one.

APPLY/TAKEAWAY

Men: we cannot live like this alone.
We have a king, a warrior, a helper, and His banner over us is gracious love.
We need Christ in our families.
Seek Jesus today.

[1] Adapted from Tony Evans, Book of Illustrations: “Love,” p.198.

[2] Douglas Sean O’Donnell, The Song of Solomon: An Invitation to Intimacy, ed. R. Kent Hughes, Preaching the Word (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2012), 17.

[3] SOS 1:1; 1:5; 3:7; 3:9; 3:11; 8:11; 8:12. Some scholars believe Solomon wrote this near end of life in broken repentance of his idolatry and adultery.

[4] Douglas Sean O’Donnell, The Song of Solomon: An Invitation to Intimacy, ed. R. Kent Hughes, Preaching the Word (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2012), 28.

[5] Ibid., 20.

[6] Duane A. Garrett, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs, vol. 14, The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1993), 384.

[7] Duane Garrett, Song of Songs, Lamentations, vol. 23B, Word Biblical Commentary (Dallas, TX: Word, Incorporated, 2004), 128.

[8] Adapted from Tony Evans Book of Illustrations: “character” p. 33.

[9] IVP Bible Background Commentary, Song of Songs:1:9.

[10] For more on work as worship: https://growinggodlygenerations.com/2015/03/30/life-in-proverbs-my-work-before-god/, https://growinggodlygenerations.com/2016/09/05/work-and-labor/, https://growinggodlygenerations.com/2019/03/03/cherish-work-ephesians-65-9/.

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