Dr. Tim Elmore http://growingleaders.com/blog/three-huge-mistakes-we-make-leading-kids-and-how-to-correct-them/
Mistake #1: We Risk Too Little
- We live in a world that warns us of danger at every turn. We are a safety-first culture.
- We maximize comfort, medicate for pain and minimize risk.
- While safety is good, the unintended consequence is not just risk-averse children, but risk-averse adults.
- Research shows that children of risk-averse parents have lower test scores and are less likely to attend college than offspring of parents with a more tolerant attitude towards risk.
- The book “Conquering Your Quarter-Life Crisis” illustrates the growing number of 25 year-old young adults who are going into clinical depression because of unmet expectations.
- Psychologists in Europe have discovered that if a child doesn’t play outside and is never allowed to experience a skinned knee or a broken bone, they frequently have phobias as adults.
- Arrows are meant to be released, not kept in pocket.
- The disciples of Jesus were trained to risk strategically for the glory of God. See Jesus’ words “Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16)
Mistake #2: We Rescue Too Quickly
- This generation of kids have learned that some adult will at some point swoop in and solve their problems for them. We won’t let them fail.
- The unintended consequence of a child being rescued quickly is that their problem-solving skills diminish and they lean on someone else to solve problems for them.
- This may sound harsh, but rescuing and over-indulging our children is one of the most insidious forms of child abuse. It’s “parenting for the short-term”.
- When failure is not understood and dealt with it becomes your identity. Likewise, when understood victory over failure becomes greatness for everyone – the happenings in the book of Acts is the outcome of individual’s failures: Peter, Paul, John Mark…etc.
Mistake #3: We Rave Too Easily
- The self-esteem movement took root in our school systems in the 1980’s. We determined every kid would feel special, regardless of what they did. They continually heard:
- You’re smart!
- You’re awesome!
- You’re gifted!
- We made the mistake of thinking that self-esteem can come simply from affirmation. So, this generation of kids has now grown up in a world where they are affirmed for everything, rather than for the things they did.
- Dr. Carol Dweck wrote a landmark book called, Mindset. In it, she reports findings about the adverse affects of praise.
- Dr. Robert Cloninger, at Washington University in St. Louis has done brain research on the prefrontal cortex, which monitors the reward center of the brain. His research reveals that “a person who grows up getting too frequent rewards will not have persistence, because they’ll quit when the rewards disappear”.
- We need to praise what’s in their control!
- Speak the truth in love
- Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.